The One About the News

I'm going to stop following the news for a while. It's depressing hearing about poor billionaires whose companies are going out of business without a loan from the workers, I'm sick of hearing about psychopath mothers who bury their children in shallow graves a block away from their house, and the inept police force investigating the crimes. I don't care how the local sports teams are doing and could care less about what my tax dollars are doing in down town Rochester. I don't care anymore about who Obama puts in what position and I really don't care about the uproar from either side of the aisle. I don't even care who Minnesota's next senator will be. I don't care about the little old lady who has Parkinson's and voted for three candidates, nor do I care about her intent.

I rant, therefore I am.

On a lighter note, my pregnant wife is STILL sick. She throws up more than she eats, it's kind of scary. Most recently she has taken up puking into a bowl. Not such a bad idea, puke where you are, clean it up, forget about it. No need to run to a receptacle, let the receptacle come to you. No problem until you realize who has to empty the receptacle. I do my best to not add to the concoction, keeping my nose as far away as possible. I remember the good old days when her throwing up meant I had the disturbance of listening to it, until I turned the volume up on the TV. Now I have become an active participant. I will be singing the praises of the second trimester. I will rejoice and sing praise. I will dance through the streets. People will lock their doors and bring their kids out from the streets. Police will swarm, and I will be detained. But it will all be worthwhile, for the second trimester will have arrived.

Merry Christmas and God Bless!

The One About Gift Giving

For the first time in my life I'm going to send out Christmas cards with a letter. Rachel picked out the stationary and I got to use some creativity in writing it. I'll try to put the girls to work stuffing envelopes and sticking on the stamps. Remember when you used to have to lick stamps?

I'm not quite done with my Christmas shopping yet. I always have a problem with getting the perfect gift. I always feel like the gift is somehow beneath the recipient. I think about getting flowers for Rachel and I imagine her getting them and thinking, "Gee, roses? They're for guys who cheat on their wives." or "Yellow flowers? I don't want yellow flowers in my house. What am I going to do with yellow flowers? If only he had gotten me blue flowers. There's something I could work with." So I start picking out blue flowers, and it hits me again, "Blue flowers? Doesn't he love me? If he loved me he'd get me daisies and lilies and wild flowers." So I start looking for wild flowers and it hits me, She wouldn't say anything like that. She would be so grateful for me even thinking of her that I'm afraid she would faint. Yes, she would faint if I bought her flowers. That would hurt the baby. I'd better not do it. Besides, she's more practical, she'd want me to use the money to pay down the debt from the wedding. (Do you see the next trend coming?) In fact, she'd probably get mad at me for spending money at all. She'd say "Flowers? Delivered? What did you spend on these, $50?" I'd stammer for a few seconds, then come out with it, "Yes, $55." and she'd say "$55 for flowers? They're going to die in a 3 days. That's $18 per day for flowers to be in the house. We can't afford $18 per day!" Again, she'd never said those things. In fact, she's never said anything like that before. There's no reason to think that she'd be mad at me for buying her flowers, or for spending an average of $18 per day on anything, if I really wanted to get it. So the flowers go unpurchased, the extra gift stays on the rack, and I put the money in my wallet and it ends up going to purchase overpriced soda in the vending machine at work.

So this Christmas, I'm going to focus on giving gifts for the feeling I get in giving them. I'm not going to worry about what color someone likes or if a certain style might not be their taste. I'll give a gift receipt, and when mom opens her camaflauged wading boots she'll at least have some good conversation for her co-workers.

The One About Baby's First Ultrasound

It's official, there's a bun in the oven. We saw the little guy/gal wiggling around, saw a heart beat, got to hear a heart beat through the ultrasound machine, got some measurements. We found out that we're only 9 weeks in, so we're a little earlier than we thought.

The one about ASL class last night

In our ASL class last night Rachel's assignment was to do a family structure. She talked about her sister and brother and how we're married and I have two daughters. Then she signed that she was pregnant with our first child. The teacher was overjoyed, it was so funny. She has taken such an iterest in us because it's the first married couple she's ever had in her class.

Rachel's been sick a lot over the past few days. To be honest, I'm pretty sure she's actually happy about it. It's been the first tangable symptom of being pregnant since the positive test. Our first ultrasound is Friday. We won't be able to determine gender for a few more weeks, but we should be able to get some pictures.

The One About Being Passed By A Little Rascal Mobility Device

Once again I ventured out onto the pavement without adult supervision to attempt exercise and once again it was a trying attempt to say the least. I was able to leave the dogs behind this time, vowing to again run with a partner once I determine the difference between my behind and the hole in the back yard. I chose a lighter pair of shorts and was rewarded with not once having to tug at them. I also chose different headphones, but once again I was betrayed. This style has a rubber piece that is supposed to fit into the ear canal and block ambient noise as well. FYI, don't block out ambient noise when running on the street. It wasn't a car that scared me out of my shoes, it was a dog. It wasn't a pit bull or Rottweiler. It was a small terrier about the size of Neela. After I climbed out of the tree and noticed it was an ankle biter that sent me shrieking like a little girl spotting a spider, I looked around me and noticed curtains shutting and I swore I could see the dog pointing and laughing. Once I started sweating, the rubber on the headphones became lubricated and no longer stayed anywhere but dangling from my arm. I will find a pair that work for me, if it's the last thing I do. I did shave 9 seconds off my mile bringing me to 10 minutes, 21 seconds. Fat people laugh at me when I run, and spin circles around me on their Little Rascals.

I was telling Tom about my run yesterday and he came up with a suggestion I wish I would have thought of. He said "Why didn't you just tie the headphones around your waist to hold your shorts up?" And that's why Tom lives in a bigger house than me.

I completed my New Employee Orientation at Mayo and am now an official employee complete with name badge and paycheck. I set a goal three years ago that I was going to become a Mayo employee and I finally achieved that goal.

My next goal is to graduate college. Look out, year 2019, I'm coming. Somewhere, off in the distance, I can faintly make out a chuckle between bites of a Ho-Ho.

The One About The First Run of the Year

I ran today. I should say that I attempted to run. I didn't plan on running when I woke up this morning. I felt better after being sick for almost two weeks, I lost 12 pounds while sick and wanted to turn that into a good thing, so I decided that I would go for a run. I grabbed an i-pod and a dog and headed out the door. But it wasn't that easy, the i-pod wasn't charged and I couldn't find a dog leash. So half an hour later I was off. I didn't get 50 meters into it when I realized the headphones I grabbed were going to betray me. After another 50 meters I realized I wore the wrong shorts to run in. They would slide down my backside systematically every 15 steps. I thought I could roll them a couple of times at the waist to be a little tighter. I really had to hike them up now so the rolled waist of the shorts was over my hips enough to stay on. This made the inseam of the shorts about 5 inches shorter than designed. I didn't have anything to brace the i-pod, so I just held it in my hand. So I had an i-pod in one hand, the dog leash in the other, and I was off. So put this image in your memory for times when Bill needs to be taken down a few notches: A fat guy running down the street with a 7 pound overactive, inattentive, and unwilling dog on a leash in one hand, an i-pod in the other, wearing shorts that are rolled at the waist and way too short and simultaneously riding up his crack and falling down. And ever time he reached down to pull them up, the too short headphone cable ripped the headphones out of his ears. When finally getting the pants crammed far enough up his butt so they wouldn't fall, and unable to reach up to his ear with the arm with the hyperactive dog, had to bend over to put the earphones back into his ears, one at a time, then had to reach down to tug at the pants again, all while spinning in circles to keep the dog from tripping over the leash. I did this for about a quarter of a mile before switching dogs. Having the other dog alleviated the problem with the spinning and I had control of both hands so I could concentrate on cramming my headphones back into my ears and tugging at my shorts. I actually got into a rhythm just over half a mile in. Step, step, right ear, step step, tug, step, step, left ear, step, step, "C'mon puppy," step, step, right ear...

The one about being sick

Wow, what a great couple of weeks! After the wedding we went to Costa Rica, swam in the ocean, lived in luxury for 8 nights, took a tour through a tropical rain forest, saw an active volcano (I'm part of only 3% of the world's population who lived to tell about it), relaxed in the hot springs fed by the volcano, saw the second largest freshwater lake in the world, went whitewater rafting down the "Colorado" River, went horseback riding, went down the "world's largest water slide," saw a baby tarantula, relaxed in more volcano fed hot springs, went on a zip line canopy tour of the tropical dry forest. We saw 3 of the 4 types of monkeys in Costa Rica, the howler was the most common type we saw. We also saw a sloth hanging from a power line. We have some great shots of their raccoons. The animals weren't even concerned with people, with the exception of the monkeys using us for target practice.

The hotel had everything, including a swim-up bar. We still had time to watch the Simpson's in Spanish. My favorite line was when Marge held her eye and exclaimed "Oh, Mi ojo." The food ranged from steak and pasta to Asian fusion. We dined in some pretty fancy places and ate some elegant cuisine. It was probably at the Asian fusion where I got sick. Did I mention that they had a swim up bar?

We got back on a Monday night very late. I went back to work on Thursday and it was fairly uneventful. On Friday I noticed I wasn't very hungry and my stomach started acting up. By Friday night I was in the ER thinking it was Malaria. I got bit by a few mosquitos, they love the taste of Bill. It wasn't Malaria, they said it was traveler's sickness and I took 3 days of Cipro, but by Monday evening there was no improvement. It's now Wednesday and I'm awaiting a call from the nurse to tell me it is a parasite. Apparently there's only one way to check to see if you have parasites. I feel traumatized.

The One About The Stolen i-Pod

Here it is four days until my wedding. The engagement photos ran in the newspapers in Rochester, Alexandria, and Albert Lea this past Sunday. There were a few people that saw it from work and had to give me a hard time for saying I was an accountant. I tried to explain to them that you really can't say Accounts Payable, Disbursements and Travel Management Customer Service Representative in a small blip about the engagement.

Rachel's i-pod was stolen out of our truck this week. It had to have happened at home, because when we drive anywhere else we lock it and click the thing one more time so the truck honks and we're certain it locks. At home we don't do that. So I watched someone walking towards the garage door and I was on the phone with Rachel and I remember telling her that someone was about to knock on the door. No one knocked, I check the back to see if they were cutting through the yards, and no one was there. I looked out the front and didn't see anyone, so I just shrugged it off. The guy didn't come into the house and there's nothing in the garage worth taking. It wasn't until a few days later that I noticed the i-pod was gone. It's frustrating thinking about living like you're in Fort Knox. We're going on our honeymoon and with people stealing out of cars in the driveway, there's not much stopping them from entering the house while you're away. I made arrangements with the neighbors to watch over things, so I feel more comfortable about leaving.

I talked to a few people about this and everyone has had something similar happen. I find that it's most frustrating when you're in a group of people that you know and something turns up missing. One talked about an MP3 player disappearing from the volleyball locker room in high school. She was listening to it on the way in, put it in her bag, showered, came out and it was gone. Someone from her team took it. In the military things were stolen all the time. As a Private my poncho was stolen from someone within the platoon, I asked the squad leader, he suggested I find one unsecured and take it. Occasionally we would have a very vigilant leader who would do a shake-down of the whole platoon in order to recover absconded items, but rarely would they find them.

It's hard not to take the victim role here, psychologically. I mean, we were victimized, something was taken from us wrongfully and it shouldn't have happened. But statistically, everyone is a victim of petty crime, and it was a crime of opportunity. The truck was unlocked and they stole the first thing of value that caught their eye. So statistically something is stolen every so often from everyone. I'm reminded of the old saying, "Don't be a statistic." So we'll make sure we lock our car doors, even at home, from now on. We'll double check the door locks, just to be sure. We'll make sure the neighbors are well informed of suspicious activity. And Apple will be happy to know that we'll have to replace the i-Pod.

The one about driving to Alexandria

We drove to Alexandria Friday after I got done with work. It started well, McKenzie and Rachel practiced the wedding song. McKenzie is getting the words down and Rachel figured out the best parts for her and Ellen. Now we just have to let Ellen know. I googled the directions to see if there was anything that would avoid traffic and technology told me to take 35E to 694. The best part about Rachel is that she has a few superstitions and one of them is about traffic in the city. She firmly believes that if she complains about the traffic it clears up, and if she says anything positive about what good time we're making, something happens. 52 to 94 to 35E to 694 is 4 miles of parking lot, but we got through it in about 20 minutes with Rachel complaining the whole way. It worked, because soon as we passed 35W traffic lightened and were to 94 in no time flat. It must have surprised Rachel, because suddenly she said "Hey, I can't believe we're already to ..." and we looked up and an ominous sign read "Crash west of Cty Rd 30, expect delays." 2 hours later we passed the "accident" in Rogers. So the superstition stands, as long as Rachel is complaining about traffic, we'll be fine.

We got to the Broadway Ballroom on time for the taste testing. We tried the potatoes first. There were little red ones that were quartered and seasoned, however they had no taste. Next was the garlic mashed, which had a ton of garlic, but none of the flavor we were expecting. The last was "Smoked Gouda Gratin," which I won't describe because that was the one we chose and you'll have to try it yourselves. For the meat we tried beef tips in some sort of sauce, which was good, but not appropriate for 300 people since so many people won't like it. Next was Chicken Courdon Bleu, which obvoiusly came out of a plastic bag. Mine didn't have cheese in it. The third choice was Grilled Chicken with Tomato Basil Pesto with some sort of cheese. Again, I can't describe it because it's the one we chose. We also selected a vegetable medley and chose to do a party sub after the dance, rather than appetizers before the meal.

The hall was decorated for a class reunion, and it looked really cool. The director showed us where the head table is going to be, where the dance floor is, where the bar is set up, where the DJ sets up, it's going to be great. The hotel is about 30 feet from the main entrance, so people can go back and forth as much as they need to. We also checked out the hotel. It still has that "new car smell" to it. We have at least a fifth of the rooms, so you won't be able to walk down the hall without running into someone there for the wedding.

Tomorrow is dinner with Dave's parents. They live on Lake Mary, one of the few full time residents among a lot of resorts. It's like every day is vacation.

~Bill

The one about the dancing lessons.

I'm taking dancing lessons for the wedding dance. I have always wanted to dance, and I'm very bad at it. I think what helps me most is that I'm aware of what I don't know. Some people think they know everything there is to know about dancing, they just don't do it well. I'm pretty sure that if I can dance well during this one song, anyone in the world can do it. We'll be dancing a slow rumba, which will allow for some very cool and showy turns.

Angie blogged about the use of periods in a sentence, and how you're only supposed to use one space. Since I've become aware of this practice, I now notice who uses two spaces and who uses one. It's almost right down the line, if a manager is under 30 their writing will have only one space. If the writer is older, two spaces. If they're uneducated, two spaces. I firmly believe APA uses it as a litmus test for education. "If you've been to college in the past seven years, you'll know this." I'm offended, yet at the same time I am completely on board.

~B

The one about the bachelor party.

Last week-end was my bachelor party. It was a lot of fun, Brian came down from Minneapolis, Chris and dad came from Albert Lea, then Tom, Charlie, and I were already in Rochester. We golfed nine holes and only got chastised by the staff once for having too many people in our group. Tom is by far the superior golfer of the group, I'm glad I was teamed up with him. We ate at Buffalo Wild Wings and had the worst server in the world. She was worse than me when it comes to waiting tables.

After spending just as long in BW3's as we did on the golf course, we drove up to the hotel and met up with the other crowd. We had free drinks at Embassy Suites, so we stayed there and played poker, then went to a comedy club. The comedians weren't the best, but we had fun.

Then we met up with the girls at the Lone Tree bar. Ryan decided he didn't need to stay with the group, and he was quickly abandoned. He ended up taking a cab and meeting up with us, but not without a little drama along the way. The girls were there within a few minutes and they were having way more fun than we were. Sister Angie and Aunt Brandy were among the group. We danced. They danced. I flailed.

Then we went back to the hotel, crowded into a couple of rooms, and did our best impression of sleep. Then the door opens, my eyes slowly adjusted to the light, I was groggy and sort of hung over and I thought I could see my mom in the hotel room, but there's no way it could be my mom, it's my bachelor party and my mom is 120 miles from here. I started to wonder what kind of mushrooms were in the omlet that morning, but then Angie and Brandy and Kailey walked in. I came to a slow realization that my bachelor party had just been crashed by my mom, my aunt, my sister, and my neice. I suddenly became aware of the beer cans strewn about the room, the full ashtray overflowing onto the table, the clothes piled in a corner, I guess I felt the way any college dorm occupant feels when their relatives show up unannounced. The other room, the one I didn't stay in, was spotless, even the beds were made.

The drive back was uneventful, and Rachel and I slept forever.

The one about the haircut.

I got a haircut yesterday. My usual hairstylist is getting too popular for me. When she was new I could cancel and get a new appointment fairly quickly, and when I could make it. Now I have to cancel and she's booked out for over a month. It's not like my hair is so horrible that only one person in the world can cut it, I guess I've just felt a loyalty to her. My friends use her, and they are fairly exclusive. I've never had a problem with her cutting my hair, I just have a busy schedule and she has a busy schedule and we haven't been able to meet up more than twice this year. That's two cuts in six months. My loyalty to her cost me horrible hair in my engagement photos (which won't be released for other reasons.) So I decided to get my hair cut on the spot yesterday. It's not the best haircut I've gotten, but I got it on my terms. I'm taking back control of my hair.

On a more serious note, my bachelor party is tomorrow. I'm sure I'll have plenty to say about that when it happens. For now, I'll be satisfied with a new haircut.

What a Week-end

It all started with McKenzie's party on Friday night. The kids were pretty well behaved, most of them had a softball game in the morning, and we had to drive to St. Cloud for my cousin Ben's wedding the next morning. The party was fun for McKenzie, she got to have 2 friends sleep over. I'm still picking up the mess, but they had a good time.

Ben's wedding was fun. For future reference, just because a vehicle claims to fit eight comfortably, it rarely does. There were seven of us and one is an infant. You might think that an infant is small and therefore takes less room in a vehicle. Any recent parent knows better. In true Olson fashion, we got lost on the way. It turns out almost everyone there got lost at least once during the trip. The wedding was short and sweet, they had a string quartet that played, short sermon, ring and candle ceremony, and they were out the door. No receiving line, no bubbles, rice, or cars honking their horns. I took good notes, because Rachel and I want to cut out most of the stuff they did.

The reception was more than fun. The girls got to play with Denise's daughters, Morgan and Kaitlyn, and with Ben's sister, Emily. They danced like nobody was watching, and they got to sing with the band. They stayed up way too late and woke up too early, and we had to drive back to Rochester. We got home in time to meet up with Rachel and have Father's Day dinner and mow the lawn and get to bed.

Who needs sleep? Angie sure doesn't.

Names..

Rachel and I attended two graduation parties over the week-end. One for a cousin on her dad's side and one for her brother. Knowing she would have a lot of relatives there, Rachel was quizzing me on everyone's names. Despite having been quizzed in the past, I was still around 30% and getting worse as the drive wore on. I would remember an uncle's name and forget a sister's, it was getting excruciating.

We got to Rachel's grandparents house standing with the dogs trying to keep them out of everyone's way. Rachel was quizzing me on who people were, pointing and whispering and I'm whispering back. I called her uncle Chris someone from her mom's side of the family, and she laughed. So what it boils down to is people see us pointing, whispering, and laughing. People were curious, they overheard what we were talking about, so suddenly I was in the middle of a circle being grilled on everyone's names. I'm not 100% proficient and I know 4 generations of the Thomes family. To be fair, I felt the need to quiz Rachel on the way to Alexandria, she knew more of my family than I did.

Anyone remember a great uncle named Fat?

~B

Summer is on the way!!

It's almost summer, and the girls will be out of school on Thursday. They're pretty excited, I almost wish they wouldn't have a summer break. A few weeks off two times would be sufficient to give the kids a break and allow for vacations. No need for three months away from learning.

I've been planning my bachelor party. It's been quite fun, as Rachel is planning hers for the same night. I'll be doing a little golfing, some poker, then the comedy club. Should be a great time.

Have a safe week-end everyone!

Cashed In!!

Huge thanks to Angie, Brandy, Darlene, and mom for putting on an awesome shower!! The girls, Braydon, and mom put a really cool skit. Mom would ask questions, the kids would answer "Kids Say the Darndest Things" style. I think the funniest line was from Madison, when asked how old you have to be to fall in love, she said "Older than third grade."

We got a ton of stuff, and I immediately made waffles for breakfast the next morning.

McKenzie is planning her Golden Birthday party for next week-end. I get to deal with screaming 12 year olds. It should be a very fun time.

~B

Write much?

I guess I took some time off from this blog thing, I was worn out with the first two posts. So when I last left you I was working in Albert Lea, Rachel and I were counting down the days until the wedding, Angie was about to have a baby, and I was about to go to Alexandria for the week-end.

So I went to Alexandria, Angie was nice enough to have the baby while we were on our way up, and I work in Rochester now. Rachel and I are still counting down to the wedding, so now that you're caught up, I'll start with the day to day stuff.

I ran into my old manager yesterday, had to politely discuss the goings on of a job that I'm no longer paid to think about. I feel violated.

Brandy is hosting a wedding shower for us this week-end. I'm sure anyone reading this is also invited, so not much for news there.

Guess I'll write more later.

Bill

Angie's in Labor!!

My sister is in labor, I'm going to be an uncle. It's her first, I'm pretty excited. It's snowing today, and Rachel and I are heading to Alexandria to have our first pre-marital counseling session with the pastor.

Oh, I created a new blog today.