The One About The First Run of the Year

I ran today. I should say that I attempted to run. I didn't plan on running when I woke up this morning. I felt better after being sick for almost two weeks, I lost 12 pounds while sick and wanted to turn that into a good thing, so I decided that I would go for a run. I grabbed an i-pod and a dog and headed out the door. But it wasn't that easy, the i-pod wasn't charged and I couldn't find a dog leash. So half an hour later I was off. I didn't get 50 meters into it when I realized the headphones I grabbed were going to betray me. After another 50 meters I realized I wore the wrong shorts to run in. They would slide down my backside systematically every 15 steps. I thought I could roll them a couple of times at the waist to be a little tighter. I really had to hike them up now so the rolled waist of the shorts was over my hips enough to stay on. This made the inseam of the shorts about 5 inches shorter than designed. I didn't have anything to brace the i-pod, so I just held it in my hand. So I had an i-pod in one hand, the dog leash in the other, and I was off. So put this image in your memory for times when Bill needs to be taken down a few notches: A fat guy running down the street with a 7 pound overactive, inattentive, and unwilling dog on a leash in one hand, an i-pod in the other, wearing shorts that are rolled at the waist and way too short and simultaneously riding up his crack and falling down. And ever time he reached down to pull them up, the too short headphone cable ripped the headphones out of his ears. When finally getting the pants crammed far enough up his butt so they wouldn't fall, and unable to reach up to his ear with the arm with the hyperactive dog, had to bend over to put the earphones back into his ears, one at a time, then had to reach down to tug at the pants again, all while spinning in circles to keep the dog from tripping over the leash. I did this for about a quarter of a mile before switching dogs. Having the other dog alleviated the problem with the spinning and I had control of both hands so I could concentrate on cramming my headphones back into my ears and tugging at my shorts. I actually got into a rhythm just over half a mile in. Step, step, right ear, step step, tug, step, step, left ear, step, step, "C'mon puppy," step, step, right ear...